Birthday Reflection: It's time to shed "I Can't"

I turned 35 a couple of weeks ago. Gulp. It kind of feels like a big deal. Not 30 or 40 big, but still a milestone. I can remember when my mom turned 35, and that seems significant. On my birthday, I felt like I had aged. Sure, the tiredness was more likely due to the fact that we have an infant in the house or that we were all recovering from the virus from hell (and subsequently nursing the visiting company we passed it on to, sigh.), but still. I did not feel like partying.

And that works for me. Birthdays are more a time of reflection; a time when I can take stock of where I've come from, where I'm going, and - most importantly - what I've outgrown. It's been a hard lesson for me to learn (and I'm still working on it!) but I'm appreciating, more and more, the importance of letting go of those things that bog me down and keep me from growing.

Sometimes You Have to Ask for What You Need

365.177 by Dyanna Hyde, cc license

My last five posts have been dedicated to finding ways to remain gentle in stressful circumstances. I've been in crunch mode, working on my thesis, and the stress has definitely gotten to me. It has been incredibly helpful having this space to reflect on the importance of self-care and to remind myself of the practices that will strengthen my ability to remain gentle. However, I have also come to the realization that there are going to be those times when I just can't do it without the help of those around me. And, until all of my loved ones are able to perfect their mind reading skills, I have to ask for what I need. And then, of course, in order to ask for what I need, I need to know what that is.

Self-Care 101

Relaxing in the Tobago Cays by Jason Pratt, cc license

The past couple of weeks I’ve been shining a spotlight on my least-gentle moments. It’s been rather instructive. I’ve been reminded of how powerful it can be to just bring awareness to that thing you want to change. Noticing, but not evaluating, those ugly moments has given me some great insights. I’m transitioning from, “Argh! There has to be a better way!” to, “Ahh, there’s the better way.” 

You Won't Like Me When I'm Angry

The Incredible Sarihulk by Eneas, cc license

Lately, I’ve struggled with being gentle. There have been several instances in the past few weeks where I just lost it. My feelings of frustration and anger bubbled over and I lashed out at the nearest bystander. I really hate when that happens. I feel like the Hulk, as if this ugly alter ego has taken over my body and I can’t get back control. Worse than feeling out of control, I hate the hurt I cause.

Be Gentle on the Path of Change

Forest Dream! by VinothChandar, cc license

Part of the fun of this blogging endeavor is that my husband now loves pointing out instances when I'm not honest and/or gentle. He finds many opportunities to help me in this way, including yesterday when we were out having lunch. Our family is currently on vacation near Burlington, VT, which is the site of Ben and Jerry's flagship store. Getting ice cream at this location was on my "must do" list for the trip, so we purposefully saved room for ice cream afer lunch. When our waiter came over to ask if we would like to see the dessert menu, I replied reflexively, without thinking, "No, we need to get the baby back for her nap." As he went to get our check, my husband gave me a look. "I know, I just totally lied."